Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
