dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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