I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
