i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am midnight drunk by noon
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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