This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
