Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
