He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Life is so much better after having sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
