remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
