Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
