I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
they're like a gay fantastic four
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
