there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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