3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
