k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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