Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
