Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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