Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
