So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
