everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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