He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
