Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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