You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
