I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
