Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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