Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
