It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
