I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
