And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
