At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
