i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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