And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize