Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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