This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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