I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
