she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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