i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my being single is dangerous.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
