it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
