Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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