you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
