I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
