so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
