If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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