my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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