I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
