Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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