I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
