so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize