i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
