LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
