Your face is a jimmy john
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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