So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't turn off my feet"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
