just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
