She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
