I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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