I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
