Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
