In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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