You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize