Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
