I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
