We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
as a side note pls kill me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
