And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
