walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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