Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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