go do what you do best...puke behind churches
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
