The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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