his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
