Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
