I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
