brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
