Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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