First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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