Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
