no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
