lets start a swedish sibling band together
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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