Umm I'm too high to move.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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