my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
