my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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