I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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