I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
