Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He better not be in your backpack
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
