i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize