i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
