When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
