I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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