you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
