I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize