Kiss
Puke
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
