Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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