i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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