how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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