My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
