My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
