So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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