May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
