I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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