i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
