I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
