I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
