At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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