Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize