2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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