dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
