He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Help me help you realize you are a moron
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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