No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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