Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
