Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
