Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
