Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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