it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize