I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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