He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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