I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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