sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
