New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
